The Perfect Husband

I thought this was funny, so I will share it with you....

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free
speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello."
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only $2,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and
Saw the new 2011 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .....
The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000.
They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand.
It is really a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too." The man hangs up.

The other men in the locker room are staring at him in
astonishment, mouths agape.....

Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

Pick your songs WISELY

There are some songs that us Officiates get EXTREMELY tired of. Some songs are played over and over again by couples as THEIR song. But we Officiates have heard it so often that not only can we sing along with it, we have already made up our own words to it. (You should hear my rendition of "From this Moment" by Shania Twain)

But it is YOUR wedding and you pick the song that is meaningful to YOU. Don't worry about us officiates when you pick it. But let me give you some friendly advise about the song selection.

First: watch the length of the song. I have had 5 minutes songs played and it doesn't matter how great that song is because 5 minutes is a long time for you to be staring at each other. Here's the test: Play the song with you and your fiance holding hands and looking at each other. If you can hold hands, face each other and NOT LAUGH for the length of the song then it is okay. If you are bored or start laughing after the first verse then shorten it or pick a different song.

Second: DO SOMETHING while the music is playing. Music is great for the processional and recessional but in the middle it can be distracting. So if you have music IN your wedding do it during the Candle lighting ceremony or Sand ceremony or as you pass flowers to the moms and grandmothers but to just play it without action will get boring quickly and chances are one of you groomsmen will act up - YOU know the one...

Third: LIVE music is much better than recorded music. Having a friend play or sing is SO MUCH better. Then you can stand and look at your friend and the audience will appreciate it even more. Whether they sing or play an instrument it is much better live.

Fourth: Save the fun songs for the end NOT the beginning. Most of your family and friends expect and appreciate a reverence for the ceremony at the beginning but when it is done then it is party time. Save your fun song for the end and do your meaningful ones at the beginning. My daughter played "If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife ..." at the end of her wedding and it was fun and all enjoyed the joke but to play that at the beginning would not have gone over with the family well.

Fifth: Pick a song that MEANS something. I have listened to a lot of songs that are great songs but I and the audience are left scratching our heads as to why you picked that song. Pink's "This is my Vietnam" might be a great song but probably not appropriate for a wedding.

Pick your music wisely!