The Wedding Expert: Steve's wedding advice after thousands of weddings officiated
Friday, June 25, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Wacky Weddings: The Body Builders
I thought the guy was scary but when I met the bride I thought I was in trouble. I am a pretty big guy but this bride had my biceps by a few inches and hers were firm with the veins popping out of them. The Wedding Dress was essentially Spandex with a veil.
The groom filled out his tux but because of the body shape his muscles forced him to get a few sizes bigger than what looked good. So while his arms were tight and ready to split some seams, the tux didn't follow his 24 inch waist and so he looked almost comical.
The guests were similarly buffed up and filled with tattoos. I just got the feeling that if I said one wrong word or one joke that no-one laughed at; I would be crushed. Literally.
So with trepidation I began the service. The wedding planners at the chapel backed out of the door carefully once we started to run to the safety of the video room. They wanted to watch to see if I was going to make it through unscathed.
I got to the vows and the groom couldn't say them. He began blubbering like a small child and I ended up putting my hand on his shoulder to say "It's alright..." The bride teared up and then so did most of the guests. He could bench press a thousand pounds but he couldn't make it through his vows without tears.
I believe they were exercising a muscle that doesn't often get the use it should. I was tugging and putting weight on their hearts and they responded. I love it when I see the physically strong and confident reduced to tears when their heart is involved.
That is until the end when I got at least six bone crushing hugs from the couple and their friends.
The groom filled out his tux but because of the body shape his muscles forced him to get a few sizes bigger than what looked good. So while his arms were tight and ready to split some seams, the tux didn't follow his 24 inch waist and so he looked almost comical.
The guests were similarly buffed up and filled with tattoos. I just got the feeling that if I said one wrong word or one joke that no-one laughed at; I would be crushed. Literally.
So with trepidation I began the service. The wedding planners at the chapel backed out of the door carefully once we started to run to the safety of the video room. They wanted to watch to see if I was going to make it through unscathed.
I got to the vows and the groom couldn't say them. He began blubbering like a small child and I ended up putting my hand on his shoulder to say "It's alright..." The bride teared up and then so did most of the guests. He could bench press a thousand pounds but he couldn't make it through his vows without tears.
I believe they were exercising a muscle that doesn't often get the use it should. I was tugging and putting weight on their hearts and they responded. I love it when I see the physically strong and confident reduced to tears when their heart is involved.
That is until the end when I got at least six bone crushing hugs from the couple and their friends.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
The Bloody Bride
This was a wedding to remember. The bloody bride was not some Halloween hoax or game (I’ve seen those too). The bloody bride ended up in the hospital.
Let me set the stage for you. There was just three of them at a Las Vegas chapel. The groom was new money, in his 50’s and had been married a number of times before. The bride was in her mid 20’s with the best body money can buy (IF you know what I mean). The father of the bride looked like he just came out of some backwoods somewhere: missing teeth, unkempt, thin, white wispy hair, tux hanging on him like a kid trying to fill his father’s clothes.
The groom and I waited in the chapel and I asked for the rings to put them on a pedestal in the front of the chapel yet he would not part with them. “They cost over $50,000!” he said to me, “I am not letting them out of my sight!” We finally compromised in putting them on the pedestal but having him not leave the room and walk in for the video.
The bride walked in on the arm of her father and we started the ceremony. At the time for the rings I picked up the box and, not touching the expensive rings, I offered the open box to him. While taking her ring out of the box the little finger holding the ring in was a little tougher to open than anticipated and he fumbled the ring. With a gasp from both of them the ring fell to the ground between them ... they both went for it ... at the same time.
You could hear the “CRACK!” of her nose as it broke against his forehead when the both went for the ring. She staggered back and I could see her nose bleeding profusely. Blood quickly filled her cleavage and all down her white dress as I helped her to the ground. We keep tissues around for other reasons (like tears of joy) but now the entire box was used on stopping the flow from the blood bride. The groom was little better, no blood but a nasty bump on his forehead. Soon the ambulance and security was swarming the chapel and took all three away. I never knew if they eventually got married or not.
I do know that when I walked back into the chapel after all the craziness I found the $50,000 ring, long forgotten, still on the ground. It is good to know that in the middle of all the posing and bragging the priority was in the right place.
Let me set the stage for you. There was just three of them at a Las Vegas chapel. The groom was new money, in his 50’s and had been married a number of times before. The bride was in her mid 20’s with the best body money can buy (IF you know what I mean). The father of the bride looked like he just came out of some backwoods somewhere: missing teeth, unkempt, thin, white wispy hair, tux hanging on him like a kid trying to fill his father’s clothes.
The groom and I waited in the chapel and I asked for the rings to put them on a pedestal in the front of the chapel yet he would not part with them. “They cost over $50,000!” he said to me, “I am not letting them out of my sight!” We finally compromised in putting them on the pedestal but having him not leave the room and walk in for the video.
The bride walked in on the arm of her father and we started the ceremony. At the time for the rings I picked up the box and, not touching the expensive rings, I offered the open box to him. While taking her ring out of the box the little finger holding the ring in was a little tougher to open than anticipated and he fumbled the ring. With a gasp from both of them the ring fell to the ground between them ... they both went for it ... at the same time.
You could hear the “CRACK!” of her nose as it broke against his forehead when the both went for the ring. She staggered back and I could see her nose bleeding profusely. Blood quickly filled her cleavage and all down her white dress as I helped her to the ground. We keep tissues around for other reasons (like tears of joy) but now the entire box was used on stopping the flow from the blood bride. The groom was little better, no blood but a nasty bump on his forehead. Soon the ambulance and security was swarming the chapel and took all three away. I never knew if they eventually got married or not.
I do know that when I walked back into the chapel after all the craziness I found the $50,000 ring, long forgotten, still on the ground. It is good to know that in the middle of all the posing and bragging the priority was in the right place.
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